The Valentine's Day Variable
by xLostInTheSun
Summary: A kiss is always full of promises. - This fanfic will explore what episodes 6.16 to 6.24 could have been like if the writers had stuck to the original script and Sheldon had kissed Amy on Valentine's Day.


**A/N: Consider this fic a "What if?" AU. I'm going to rewrite every episode from The Tangible Affection Proof to The Bon Voyage Reaction, the key variable being that Sheldon actually gave Amy a kiss on Valentine's Day. Not saying this is _exactly_ how things should have gone down - just a few possible outcomes.**

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Sheldon anxiously looked at his watch and sighed. Amy would be here in less than an hour, and thanks to Alex's incompetence even in the most menial of tasks, he had no present for her. He had given Alex over two thousand dollars, but she had managed to find no present.

_Well, that's not entirely true_, a little voice that sounded suspisciously like his mother's at the back of his mind said, and not for the first time, Sheldon spat back that he hated that little voice.

He had first heard it a few years ago, when Amy Farrah Fowler had come to the conclusion that the weird symptoms she'd been experiencing at the time meant she'd been attracted to Penny's ex-boyfriend, Zach.

_You're jealous_, the voice had said, echoing Amy's own words from only a couple of hours earlier, and after a few disturbing moments at the realisation that his conscience sounded like his over religious mother, Sheldon had scoffed. Jealous? Of what? He wasn't interested in Amy, or so he'd thought at the time.

_Told you you were jealous_, the voice had said when Sheldon had attacked Leonard for getting too friendly with Amy at that wedding they'd gone to together, and Sheldon had had nothing to reply to that, because he had known the voice had been right. Amy Farrah Fowler wasn't for Leonard. She wasn't for Stuart. She was for him.

It used to scare him a lot, the way Amy would sneak into his thoughts and settle here like she owned him, until he realised that there was nothing to be scared about. It had happened during Howard's launch into space: anxious for his friend – because as annoying as Wolowitz was, he was still his friend – Sheldon had inconsciously reached for Amy's hand.

When he had realised what he had done, Sheldon's heart had skipped a beat and all he'd been able to think was _wow_. Of course, the voice had been quick to note that _Yeah, this is what happens now: when you're in distress, you reach for your girlfriend_ and it had annoyed Sheldon for a few seconds until he had realised that it was actually kind of nice, being able to rely on Amy like this. And as for holding her hand... it had been weirdly pleasant. Her hand had been warm but not too much, and when Amy tentatively laced her fingers with his, Sheldon had been surprised at how well they seemed to fit together, like two puzzle pieces. All in all, the experience had felt... right.

That was the best word he could think of, really. Amy was right for him, in a way no one ever had been. The only person he'd ever really connected to before her was Leonard's mother, but while Sheldon had understood very early on that Beverly wasn't going to ever be more than an acquaintance, he now couldn't imagine his life without Amy.

Which was all the more frustrating to realise he had no present for her. The thing about Amy was... he sometimes felt like she tought he took her for granted. And she couldn't have been further from the truth. She probably didn't realise that, but every day, Sheldon feared Amy would wake up and realise she was wasting her time with him and go back to a life where nothing besides her monkeys mattered or, even worse, that she would decide to date another man. Sheldon didn't know why exactly – Leonard had once said "Like it or not, you're in love, buddy" – but one thing was sure: life with Amy was much better than life without Amy, and he intended to prove it to her that night. It was Valentine's Day after all.

Oh, of course, he wasn't going to enjoy all the traditional romantic things expected on Valentine's Day – the red roses in crystal vases, the candles on their restaurant tables, the gift-giving – but he would be seeing Amy, and most of all, it was a great time to tell her that... he'd hadn't ruled _it _out.

Blushing furiously, Sheldon walked towards his bedroom. Silently closing the door behind him, he removed his shoes and left them by his bed before marching to his wardrobe. There, he took off both his tee-shirts and carefully folded them before putting them in a basket labelled "dirty laundry." He then took off his trousers, and a few seconds later, they were neatly folded on top of the tee-shirts. Now nearly naked, Sheldon caught his reflection in the mirror on the door of his wardrobe. When his eyes gazed towards his pants, Sheldon couldn't help but gulp.

He'd never been uncomfortable with his own body – Sheldon had realised long ago that having functionning genitalia wasn't something to be ashamed of as long as he didn't let it rule his life the way his friends did. Erections were a natural thing, and they didn't even have to mean sexual arousal – Sheldon was well aware of the "morning alarm clock" phenomenon.

But that had been before. Before _what_ exactly, he didn't know, but he knew it was because of Amy. He had no idea what had changed, but one day after an amazing Date Night spent criticizing an exposition about the Solar System at the science center, he'd been walking up the stairs to his appartment behind her and he had suddenly felt not quite right. He had been very warm and red in the face and sweat had started pooling on his backside, so much that he had had to ask Amy to leave.

"Don't you ant me to take care of you?" she'd asked, and when he'd said he was alright on his own, Amy had frowned. "The Relationship Agreement instructs me to take care of you at times like this," she had said, but Sheldon still had dismissed her. She had nodded and left without understanding his reluctance at letting her stay, and when he had seen her again a few days later, he had avoided answering her "Did you do okay on your own that night?"

Because that night, Sheldon had abused himself for the first time in his life, images of Amy's delicate ankles and pale shoulders and hypnotizing eyes swirling in his mind.

He hadn't known why, but something had shifted inside him, and there he was, three months later, now used to touch himself while thinking of his girlfriend who would be here very soon and for whom he had no present.

Sighing, Sheldon grabbed a suit from his wardrobe and proceded to get dressed. First trousers, then a shirt, then a tie, then a jacket. Looking at his reflection, he smiled a little: he really looked quite handsome. His smile quickly vanished though, when he realised he still didn't have a present for Amy.

He considered ringing Leonard for an idea, but he knew he had taken Penny to a restaurant and he had no intention in fighting with her over the phone because "Sheldon, you don't phone people on their romantic date!"

He was close to giving up and letting her have the Santiago Ramon y Cajal print even though he had called dibs when the voice suddenly said _Come on, you know what Amy wants_.

Another voice – Penny's – echoed through his mind. _You guys have been going out a long time, Amy would clearly like to have a physical relationship with you, so what are you doing?_

Intimacy. The answer was as simple as that. But it was as terrifying as it was obvious. Sheldon still hadn't completely come to terms with the fact that he was sexually attracted to Amy – now wasn't a time to give in and ravage his girlfriend. As he had told Leonard and Penny, he was working on it. But it wasn't going to be easy, and he couldn't very well offer Amy his virginity as a Valentine's Day present.

_Then maybe you should do something that makes it clear that she's important to you_.

Sheldon frowned. He'd done that a lot already! He nearly had beaten Wil Wheaton up for her, he had taken care of her when she'd been sick, he had even given her _a bath_, which really hadn't helped at all with his self abuse problem as he'd seen Amy _naked _and didn't have to rely on imagination anymore. Amy wasn't stupid – she had to know what it all meant.

_But it's Valentine's Day. It doesn't hurt telling her, does it?_

And Sheldon guessed the voice was right – it wouldn't hurt telling her. But he simply didn't know how to voice it – how to explain to her how much she meant to him. He was a genius and could understand the universe in ways no one even suspected existed, but when it came down to Amy, he didn't understand the importance she had for him, let alone having to explain it to her.

She truly was the biggest mystery he'd ever encountered.

_But she's like you_, the voice reminded him. _She's like you, and whatever you choose to give her, she'll realise what it really means._

Damn it – the voice was right.

**ooo**

"Hello."

"Hello."

"Happy Valentine's Day."

"Mmmmh okay."

The moment he had dreaded the entire day was here, and it was time for Amy and him to partake in the tradition of Valentine's Day.

"Shall we go to dinner?" he asked his girlfriend, hoping to get this over with as quickly as possible. But Amy seemed to have a mind of her own.

"Hang on," she said, and walked into his appartment, taking her bag off her. "As you know, I had planned a traditional evening of romance and gifts."

"Yes, and as you know, I planned to pretend to enjoy it. I've been working on this facial expression all day."

Sheldon mimicked the smile he'd been trying in front of the miror, and Amy smiled a much more genuine smile, making him fleetingly wondered if she was going to leave him for someone else who wouldn't have to work on looking pleased one day. He suddenly felt the need to burst out that he could do better, that she didn't have to go, but Amy went on.

"And I appreciate your effort," she said, "but upon contemplation, I decided I was being selfish. So, I cancelled our dinner reservations and came up with an even better way to celebrate Valentine's Day."

Sheldon became suddenly very intrigued, and he eagerly asked "What is that?"

"By doing none of it. No dinner, no romance, no gifts. We stay here, order a pizza and watch one of your beloved Star War Trek things."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Really?" he asked, once again amazed at how selfless his girlfriend was – so amazed that he didn't even mind that somewhere during her explanation, she had half sit on his spot.

"Well, that's what you'd love, isn't it?"

"More than anything."

"Well, then, that's what we're going to do," Amy said, inviting him to sit next to her.

Sheldon felt his whole body tingle, a rush of affection for his girlfriend running through his veins. Quickly closing the door, he walked towards her, his steps light and happy.

"Well, I don't know what to say. This is the most thoughtful gift that anyone's ever given me," he said, sitting down next to her. "And that's including an amazing gift that I gave myself earlier today."

"I'm your girlfriend. That's my job. And I know gift-giving puts a lot of pressure on you, so whatever you got me, you can return."

And Sheldon thought about the paper in his pocket – the Caltech Employee information sheet where he'd written down Amy Farrah Fowler as his Emergency Contact. It had seemed perfect, and the voice had agreed – that was definitely a good way to tell Amy she was the most important person in his life and that he intended to keep her around for a long time. But in the light of the sacrifice Amy had just made, it didn't seem enough. She was giving him what he wanted most – shouldn't he do the same.

_Don't tell me you're considering having coitus now?_

Not now. Definitely not now. But Sheldon had thought about coitus a lot lately – hard not to when Kripke was constantly asking him about Amy's kinks – and sitting here with his girlfriend, he realised he definitely wanted it to happen somewhere down the road. Up until then, he had simply _not ruled it out_ but now, he was definitely _counting on it_.

And it wasn't going to be easy, but he knew that it would be worth it.

"No," he said. "After everything you didn't do for me tonight, I want you to know. Close your eyes."

Amy raised an eyebrow, visibly curious, but she quickly complied. Sheldon's gaze shifted from her long, thick eyelashes to her small, rosy mouth, and he gulped with apprehension.

_Come on Cooper. You can do this._

Of course he could. He was Sheldon Lee Cooper, for Christ's sake. So he breathed in deeply, closed his eyes, shifted closer to his girlfriend, and pressed his mouth against Amy's. He awkwardly stayed there for a few seconds, his mind going blank the moment their lips met, until something gnawed at him and he decided the kiss had been long enough. Slowly, he withdrew from Amy, his eyes having trouble opening, and he found his girlfriend staring at him, her cheeks flushed and her breathing short.

"Sheldon..." she started, but something deep inside of him told him now was the time to tell her.

"I'm working on it, Amy. I don't know when I'll be ready, but I'm working on it."

And he didn't have to tell her what was _it _exactly, because she was Amy and she knew him better than anyone, and she instantly understood.

"Oh, Sheldon," she said, her eyes glistening, and she threw her arms around him. And just like holding her hand or crying in her arms had felt right, hugging his girlfriend on Valentine's Day proved to be surprisingly wonderful.

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**A/N: There you go for some back story and The SIK That Got Away. I hope you enjoyed this. Next chapter will be a re-writing of The Monster Isolation.**

**Also the idea that Sheldon likes Amy's ankles a lot comes from BazingaPunk01's _Romancing the Nerd_ that I definitely recommend to everyone - it's amazing!**


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